We all have limiting beliefs, some we can clearly recognise and some influence our lives and our everyday decisions without us having much awareness of them, they are like an app running in the background and we assume it is who we are. In this blog I would like to really challenge that notion, explore what they are, what the most common ones are and how we can begin to take charge of our lives and overcome them.
My struggle with invisibility: a story of overcoming shyness.
As a typical awkward teenager I just wanted to blend into the background, like a ghost haunting my own life. I was always so insecure and shy, I'd do anything to avoid the spotlight. It was like I was terrified of the world so created an invisible shield around me, keeping me safe but also keeping me from really connecting with people
I was a 15 year old way back in the 80s, by that age lots of things had already shaped my reality, my world view and the view of myself and who I was. At this age like many teenagers I felt awkward, very shy and unconfident. I would have done anything to not be noticed, to be invisible, I had what would probably have now been called social anxiety but I didn’t know this at the time and there certainly wasn’t much attention given to an sort of mental health challenge when I was at school.
It was at school where I spent a great deal of my energy trying desperately to blend into the background, stooping in an attempt to look smaller, always sitting at the back of the class and desperately trying to get through the day unnoticed and unscathed.
I remember this particular event so vividly, like it was yesterday. It was the end of a chemistry lesson, a subject I didn’t like, and found difficult. I was in the 2nd set (not the top set where all of the ‘clever’ people were) and as my dad was a chemistry teacher at another school at the time he was keen for me to be in the ‘top set’. So looking back on this there was already a belief here that I was not good enough.
It was the end of the lesson, just before the bell we were all stood behind our stools waiting to leave, my teacher a young, enthusiastic, short man asked me to stay behind so he could have a chat with me. The moment I heard the words ‘Helen could you stay behind for a minute’ I felt an overwhelming dread wash over me from the top of my head to my feet and then a freeze response kick in. It felt like everything had gone into slow motion, the time it took for the other students to leave and for me to be there alone with the teacher felt like an agonising eternity.Â
He came over, it felt uncomfortably close (although in reality it was probably a perfectly normal distance to be having a conversation with someone). He started speaking to me and talking about how my dad had been in touch with the school and wanted to know if I could be moved into the top set’ after the last set of exam results.Â
I felt so tall and clumsy, like I was towering above him, found it very difficult to maintain eye contact and had lost the ability to breathe. I then felt myself going red which seemed to rise through me like an uncontrollable tide of heat up to my head. At this point I must have looked like an over ripe tomato. Becoming aware that I was so red then just compounded the awkwardness, my neck then decided to go into an involuntary spasm and I had to grab hold of the desk so I didn’t fall over.
Finally the conversation was over and I was able to leave, I don’t remember what was said but it must have been decided that I was moving sets (that created another set of issues) but the incident as innocent as it was left a deep impression on me and made me dig even deeper into putting effort into not being seen. As I had made a pact with myself that I would never be that embarrassed like that again.
The power of unmasking: How my past experiences shaped my future career
This lack of confidence followed me through life, in all areas of life. It was like a persistent shadow that I tirelessly tried to outrun. Bizarrely, I managed to navigate teacher training and secure my first teaching position, skilfully masking my insecurities.
In my first teaching post I had an evening where I met the parents and the new students who would be coming into my form (Yr7s straight from primary school). By this point in my life I had employed strategies to override my lack of confidence and was becoming an expert at masking. It was actually really good for me to do something that involved presenting and being ‘seen’ on a bigger scale, and although I encountered every day anxiety about ‘performing’ in front of students I felt like I had mastered it.
I had to do a presentation to the group of parents and new students about what to expect when they embarked on their secondary school experience. I felt fine about this until a small boy entered the room with his parents, I said hello to them in a welcoming reassuring manner and then noticed that the dad was the chemistry teacher from years ago.Â
I felt the whole experience come flooding back in quite a destabilising manner. The same feeling of overwhelming dread and the surge of heat running through my body. After what seemed like an extended uncomfortable silence we acknowledged each other, he recognised me from school all of those years ago and we had an informal chat, I was able to do the presentation but I did realise until that point there were still some underlying issues that needed to be addressed.
Much later in my teaching career I was a head of a large department, by this point I had mastered looking confident with students and was confident teaching my subject which was Art. Every year however in September when term started I had to deliver a presentation to all of the teachers in the school about the performance of my department.Â
Every time I had to stand up in front of this audience- my peers I would have a similar experience and be transported back to all those years ago in the science lab. I would feel myself going red, my neck juddering and my hands shaking holding the papers I was reading from.
This fear led me to want to explore what was going on and my mission was to ultimately change this behaviour. I studied NLP and was led down a new path of understanding the psychology of the development of our limiting beliefs.
 I loved the idea of thinking of the brain and nervous system as an organic super computer and that just like with a computer we could delete unwanted programs/ apps and replace them with more favourable ones. It was here that I discovered anchoring and how to reprogram the subconscious mind. I have since been on a mission to not only do this for myself but to assist others in doing this.
Reprogramming the mind: How NLP helped me overcome my limiting belief
"The ghost is no more."Â Years later, as a seasoned educator, I stood before a room of colleagues, my voice steady, my demeanour confident. The fear that had once consumed me was vanquished. I had exorcised the ghost that had haunted my life for so long.
Through self-discovery and intentional reprogramming, I had shattered the chains of self-doubt. The spotlight, once a terrifying prospect, now illuminated my path. I had learned that the most powerful weapon against limiting beliefs is not invisibility, but visibility. By embracing my true self, I had become a beacon of hope for others, proving that even the darkest shadows can be dispelled with courage and determination.Â
This was one of many personal experiences that led me on a new career journey and ignited a passion to assist others in breaking down those invisible barriers to personal freedom.
With my new found knowledge and a desire to bring this to the education system as a whole I went on to deliver many presentations to teachers not only in my own school but also at conferences and training events across the UK..
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What are the top 5 limiting beliefs?
Just scan through the list below and which of these apply to you:-
1 I'm not good enough: This belief can manifest in various forms, such as feeling inadequate in relationships, careers, or social situations.
2Â I can't change:Â This belief can prevent people from seeking growth and improvement, believing that their circumstances are fixed.
3 I don't deserve happiness: This belief can lead to self-sabotage and a lack of fulfilment in life.
4Â I'm not worthy of love:Â This belief can affect relationships and self-esteem, leading to feelings of loneliness and isolation.
5Â It's too late:Â This belief can hinder people from pursuing their dreams or goals, believing that they have missed their opportunity.
By far the most common limiting belief that I work with is the belief that I am not good enough, this belief is almost programmed into us at birth and it is fascinating how this is developed and ingrained over time.  Lets have a look at where and how we adopt this particular limiting belief and then I will discuss how it doesn’t have to be a difficult, long drawn out process to delete this and replace it with a true sense of I am enough.
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Where the most common limiting belief of ‘I am not good enough’ originates
Childhood Influences:
Parental Expectations:Â Unrealistic or overly critical parenting can lead children to internalize the message that they're not meeting expectations.
Comparisons: Comparing children to siblings, peers, or idealized standards can foster feelings of inadequacy.
Negative Feedback:Â Frequent criticism or rejection can erode a child's self-esteem and create a lasting belief in their own shortcomings.
Societal Programming:
Media Influence:Â From movies and television to social media, we're constantly bombarded with images of perfection, often leading to feelings of inferiority.
Educational Systems:Â Competitive environments and a focus on grades can create a culture of comparison and self-doubt.
Cultural Norms:Â Societal expectations and stereotypes can shape our beliefs about ourselves and our abilities.
Reinforcement Over Time:
Its almost as if we are set up to fail from the start, conditioned unintendedly to stay small and to believe we are less than. As we grow older, these early-formed beliefs can become self-fulfilling prophecies.
We may avoid challenges or opportunities out of fear of failure, reinforcing our belief in our own inadequacy. This cycle of self-doubt and avoidance can continue for years, often without conscious awareness. It's only when we begin to question these limiting beliefs that we can break free from their grip and unlock our true potential as we are not our beliefs!
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Unravelling the Societal Tapestry of Limiting Beliefs
Our upbringing, shaped by parental expectations, societal norms, and educational systems, often inadvertently reinforces limiting beliefs. These beliefs, like threads woven into the fabric of our identity, can subtly influence our thoughts, actions, and ultimately, our reality.
Parental Influence:
Unrealistic Expectations:Â Parents may unknowingly set unrealistic expectations, leading children to feel inadequate or unworthy.
Comparison: Comparing children to siblings, peers, or idealized standards can foster feelings of inferiority.
Conditional Love:Â Linking love and approval to performance or achievements can create a sense of self-worth based on external factors.
Educational Systems:
Competitive Environments:Â A focus on grades and comparisons can create a culture of self-doubt and fear of failure.
Limited Perspectives:Â Curriculums that prioritize specific subjects or perspectives may overlook individual talents and interests, leading to feelings of inadequacy.
Societal Norms:
Stereotypes: Gender, racial, and cultural stereotypes can limit individuals' beliefs about their abilities and potential.
Perfectionism: The societal pressure to be perfect can create unrealistic expectations and self-criticism.
Breaking Free:
It's crucial to recognize that these limiting beliefs are not inherent truths but rather constructs shaped by external factors. By becoming aware of these influences, we can begin to unravel them and embrace our true potential.
We are all powerful creator beings, capable of shaping our reality through our beliefs. By shifting our perspective and challenging limiting beliefs, we can break free from the constraints of the past and embrace the limitless possibilities of the present. Up until this point we have been creating our reality unconsciously, looking through the lenses of our current belief system.
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Your brain- the organic supercomputer
Imagine your brain as a powerful supercomputer, capable of processing vast amounts of information and performing complex tasks. Just as a computer can be loaded with various programs, both helpful and harmful, so too can your mind. Over time, you've unconsciously installed limiting beliefs—programs that hinder your growth and potential.
These beliefs, like viruses, can infect your thoughts and actions, sabotaging your efforts to achieve your goals. However, by diving deep into your subconscious, you can bring these limiting beliefs to the surface and examine them critically. Once you've identified them, you can begin the process of uninstalling them, much like removing unwanted software from a computer or apps from your phone.
By replacing these harmful programs with more empowering beliefs, you can unlock your true potential and live a more fulfilling life.
I really like this way of looking at limiting beliefs as it gives us the power back to do something about changing the behaviours and beliefs that no longer serve us. We often can feel powerless to change and feel stuck carrying the burden of these outdated fears.
So How  do we change a limiting belief?
The first step to making a change to an ingrained limiting belief is to first of all recognise it as a problem in your life. In all of my sessions with clients the first thing we establish and acknowledge it is a problem and it has been there a long time. This brings the limiting belief fully into our conscious awareness as it has previously been running unconsciously. We really allow it to be exactly as it is and accept it fully. This establishes a base point a point from which we can work from. There are a number of ways of working with them at this point, one of the best ways being anchoring.
What is anchoring?
Anchoring is a powerful NLP technique that involves associating a desired state or emotion with a specific stimulus, such as a word, image, or physical sensation. This is the technique I used to overcome my fear of public speaking and it is what I will concentrate on here in this blog. Although it is a much easier and quicker process to work on a limiting belief with a professional therapist it is something that you could work on yourself. Here's how you can use anchoring to replace limiting beliefs:
1. Identify the Desired State
Positive Emotions:Â Determine the positive emotion or state you want to associate with the new belief. For example, if you want to replace the belief "I'm not good enough" with "I am capable," you might choose the emotion of confidence.
2. Choose an Anchor
Physical Sensation:Â Select a physical sensation that is unique and easily repeatable. For example, you could press 2 fingers together, pinch your arm, touch a specific spot on your body, or make a specific gesture.
Word or Phrase: A word or phrase can also serve as an anchor. Choose one that is meaningful and evokes the desired emotion. You might say ‘I am confident’
3. Create the Anchor
Intensify the Desired State: Recall a time when you felt the desired emotion intensely. The more vivid the memory, the stronger the anchor will be. For this I get a client to become fully immersed in the memory, what they can see, hear feel at the time they felt the desired emotion- confident. I then get them to dial up the feeling, really intensify it.
Apply the Anchor:Â While experiencing the emotion, apply the physical sensation or say the word or phrase. I get clients to imagine pushing all of that feeling into the chosen place- squeezing the fingers together until every last drop of that feeling has gone in. Repeat this several times to strengthen the association.
4. Test the Anchor
Evoke the Emotion:Â In the future, when you want to access the positive emotion, simply apply the anchor. You should feel the emotion resurfacing.
Example:
If you want to replace the belief "I'm not good enough" with "I am capable," you could:
Recall a time when you felt incredibly confident and successful.
Choose a physical sensation, such as touching your thumb to your index finger.
While feeling the emotion of confidence, touch your thumb to your index finger. Repeat this several times.
In the future, when you feel a limiting belief arising, touch your thumb to your index finger to access the feeling of confidence.
By consistently anchoring positive emotions to new beliefs, you can gradually reprogram your subconscious mind and overcome limiting beliefs.
Recommended resources
UKCPD: NLP Anchoring:
Books
"Frogs into Princes"Â by Richard Bandler and John Grinder: This classic text is a foundational work in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and introduces the concept of anchoring.
"NLP Techniques: Basic Anchoring"Â by Steve Andreas and Connirae Andreas: A more concise and practical guide to anchoring, providing step-by-step instructions and examples.
"The Power of Positive Thinking"Â by Norman Vincent Peale: While not specifically about anchoring, this classic self-help book offers valuable insights into overcoming negative thinking and cultivating positive beliefs.
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In conclusion
Limiting beliefs, like chains binding our potential, have been woven into the fabric of our lives for far too long. But remember, these beliefs are not unbreakable. By recognizing their
presence, challenging their validity, and embracing our innate power, we can break free from their grip and unlock the extraordinary potential within us. So, I invite you to embark on this journey of self-discovery and transformation.
Challenge your limiting beliefs, embrace your true self, and step into the vibrant world of endless possibilities. Who knows where it may lead?
If you feel you would like to work on a limiting belief give me a call for your free telephone consultation today to discuss how I can help you move forward. Remember you are the most important person in your universe!
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